"Oldest RNA" Coupe Recognized by UN as "Common Ancestor of Humanity"; Paleozoic Driver's License Now Required

"Oldest RNA" Coupe Recognized by UN as "Common Ancestor of Humanity"; Paleozoic Driver's License Now Required

The oldest RNA discovered in a legendary coupe sparked an international dispute over ownership that reached an unexpected resolution. The UN has recognized the vehicle as the "Common Ancestor of Humanity" and designated it as a specially protected cultural heritage. A PhD in paleontology is now required for oil changes, and the first official statement translated from its engine sounds was "Fill it up with premium, please."

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

As a counter-espionage measure, the government has implemented a 'Buzzword Security Patch' that automatically replaces all statements with the latest trendy words and corporate jargon across all conference rooms. After implementation, chambers now echo only with phrases like 'That's some intense synergy' and 'Seriously agenda vibes,' with no one able to utter any specific nouns. The official in charge proudly declared, 'The protection of classified information is complete. After all, no one understands the content anyway.'

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
Auteur Director Demands 'Reshoot' of Spaceship Crash Site, Furious That Debris 'Lacks Narrative Quality'

Auteur Director Demands 'Reshoot' of Spaceship Crash Site, Furious That Debris 'Lacks Narrative Quality'

A legendary film director, appointed by the government to chair the investigation into a spaceship crash, was seen wielding a megaphone at the site, shouting 'This wreckage isn't emotional enough!' It has been revealed that he prioritized 'visual appeal as an opening scene' over determining the cause, and instructed the investigation team to submit the accident report in screenplay format.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Hell Revises Subscription Pricing: "Eternal Hellfire" Plan Scaled Back Due to Demon Shortage. New "Weekend Only Hell" Plan Launched for Casual Sinners.

Hell Revises Subscription Pricing: "Eternal Hellfire" Plan Scaled Back Due to Demon Shortage. New "Weekend Only Hell" Plan Launched for Casual Sinners.

Due to a severe shortage of demons, Hell's flagship "Eternal Hellfire" plan will be changed to a time-limited "Intermittent Scorching" service. Concerned about customer churn, management has announced a new "Weekend Only Hell" plan for just 980 yen per month. The convenience of spending weekdays in the mortal world has proven popular, with applications flooding in.

Translations: JA
Otherworld Pocket
Finger Power Over Arm Power: New Olympic Event 'Phishing Site Speed Detection Contest' — First Champion is a 78-Year-Old Grandmother

Finger Power Over Arm Power: New Olympic Event 'Phishing Site Speed Detection Contest' — First Champion is a 78-Year-Old Grandmother

The new arena where barbells have been replaced with gaming mice. Athletes bearing national flags sweat profusely as they narrowly avoid clicking suspicious 'Buy Now' buttons. In the final stage, while other athletes struggle with the latest AI detection tools, the winning grandmother declared, magnifying glass in hand, 'Suspicious sites have cheap-looking fonts, you know.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Budget SIM 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' Plan Launches—Your Smart Fridge Is the Witness

Budget SIM 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' Plan Launches—Your Smart Fridge Is the Witness

As rising prices push more people to cut breakfast, a budget mobile carrier has unveiled its 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' plan. A smart fridge uses AI to monitor morning door activity, and detecting bread or milk instantly suspends the discount. The company proudly claims it's 'kind to both health and wallet,' while simultaneously releasing a separate 'Breakfast Subscription Option'—opening a new subscription hell between household budgets and stomachs.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Unskippable Ads in Delivery Rooms: AI Syncs with Contractions as Hospitals Unveil New Revenue Model

Unskippable Ads in Delivery Rooms: AI Syncs with Contractions as Hospitals Unveil New Revenue Model

Unskippable ads have been introduced in delivery rooms. Every time the contraction monitor flashes red, ceiling speakers shout 'Pelvic belt now at 5x points!' while baby product logos blink across entire walls. A couple who chose the 'ad-supported birth plan'—which automatically inserts commercials into livestreams for distant family—say they saved 30% on costs. However, their newborn's smartphone advertising ID was reportedly issued before the baby even had a name.

Translations: JA
Daily Surprise
Government Enforces 'Free Time Tax' for Mandatory Volunteering: Sleep Now a Luxury

Government Enforces 'Free Time Tax' for Mandatory Volunteering: Sleep Now a Luxury

The government has redefined community volunteering as a 'voluntary obligation' and announced plans to impose a new 'Free Time Tax' on non-participants. Using smartphone screen time data, the system automatically calculates 'leisure hours' and converts them into mandatory service shifts the following month. For busy citizens, time-saving seminars that compress sleep, meals, and lamenting into 15 minutes each will also be offered.

Translations: JA
Social Lab