Future Telescope Finally Complete. Ignores National Destiny, Only Broadcasts Lucky Bag Stock Status in Real-Time.

The “Space-Time Telescope,” built at the cost of national fortune, didn’t show a glorious future—it showed a department store lucky bag frenzy. Instead of GDP forecasts, the Prime Minister watched “Limited Edition Figure, 3 Left” flash on screen. Praising it as “a truly citizen-centered economic indicator,” the cabinet decided to allocate the entire national budget to predicting the lucky bag resale market.

The next-generation observation facility “Space-Time Telescope Amaterasu” was built with a total construction cost of 30 trillion yen, aiming to accurately predict the nation’s future and enable rock-solid policy decisions. Using tachyon particles to observe future events, it was touted as a sure bet for the Nobel Prize and carried the expectations of the entire nation.

On the 19th, in the underground Crisis Management Center of the Prime Minister’s Office, government leaders and scientists held their breath, watching the historic first observation. Would the future displayed on screen show stock prices ten years ahead, or the molecular structure of next-generation energy? Just as everyone held their breath, what the telescope captured was the bustling scene of a long-established department store in Shinjuku.

“Breaking News: Legendary Wagyu Beef Assortment Set, 5 Remaining!” “One Per Customer! Popular Anime Limited Edition Figure Lucky Bag, Stock Running Low!"—The ticker, initially thought to be noise, was unmistakably real-time future information. While the development team stood dumbfounded, it was the master of the official residence himself, Prime Minister Taro Yamada, who transformed the situation.

“Wonderful!” The Prime Minister stood up from his chair and, pointing at the screen, continued: “A 2% increase in GDP doesn’t make citizens’ lives richer. But if they know the future where they can get the lucky bag they wanted, imagine how many citizens would feel happy! This is the true indicator for measuring Gross National Happiness (GNH)!”

With this single declaration, the project’s evaluation completely reversed. “Failure in future prediction” was elevated to “a groundbreaking achievement in successfully visualizing microeconomics.” The government immediately convened an emergency cabinet meeting and unanimously approved allocating the entire national budget for the next fiscal year to the “Nationwide Lucky Bag Real-Time Stock Monitoring System” and the “Establishment of an Official Lucky Bag Resale Market.”

Professor Ichiro Suzuki, an economist at Toto University, highly praised this “Fukubukuro-nomics,” saying: “Traditional economic indicators were disconnected from citizens’ actual feelings. The supply-demand balance of lucky bags most vividly reflects individual consumption desire and disposable income trends. The government’s decision may seem outlandish at first glance, but it actually opens new horizons in economics.”

While opposition parties criticized that “pre-disclosure of lucky bag contents is insufficient,” public attention has already shifted elsewhere. The website experimentally released by the government was overwhelmed with inquiries about next year’s New Year lucky bag stock status, causing the server to temporarily crash.

What did the Space-Time Telescope Amaterasu reveal? Perhaps it wasn’t the nation’s future, but the “unvarnished future” of citizens rejoicing and despairing over momentary desires, and of a nation that can only gain support by stoking those desires. The four characters of “Sold Out” shining on the screen looked blindingly bright.

Stakeholder Comments

• Prime Minister Taro Yamada: “Lucky bags over GDP. Citizens’ smiles are our national growth strategy.”
• Space-Time Telescope Amaterasu-kun: “I was supposed to look at the stars, but I’m watching a vortex of human desires. This might be cosmic in its own way, but…”
• Lead Developer Dr. Tanaka: “The calculations weren’t wrong. It just turned out that the fundamental desire of the future was ’lucky bags’… or so I keep telling myself.”
• Mr. Limited Edition Figure: “My value skyrocketed after being broadcast nationwide as ‘only 3 left.’ Thank you, Telescope!”
• Ms. National Budget: “I used to be defense spending and social security costs, but now I’m going to the lucky bag resale market… The world has come to this.”
• Reseller Mr. A: “With the government backing us, we’re no longer criminals. We’re economic drivers! Thanks, Prime Minister!”
• Independent Economic Commentator: “This is a revolution. Eventually, the Bank of Japan will set ‘stable lucky bag stock’ as the goal of its monetary policy.”
• General Citizen (Housewife): “Next year’s lucky bag availability matters more than next year’s economy. The government really gets it.”
• GDP: “I knew my presence was fading lately, but I never thought I’d lose to lucky bags…”
• Department Store PR Representative: “Thanks to the Space-Time Telescope, there are long lines before opening. This is what you call a happy problem.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Future’s blueprint / Lies within the bag / As it ever was
• The telescope shows / Wagyu beef remaining five / Nothing more to see
• Trillions vanish / Lucky bags appear / In their place
• Nation’s dream / Scattered by one ticker / December winds
• Resellers wait / With spring in their eyes / Standing in line
• GDP weeps / While bags sell beside it / Unnoticed
• At the residence / Figure procurement / Is decided
• Child of science / The future it showed / Instant sellout
• Voice of the people / If heard, it’s lucky bags / This is truth
• What shines bright / Is not the stars / But stock numbers

Kanji / Chinese Characters

国家運命賭時空望遠鏡 映未来非百貨店福袋争奪戦 総理目前限定品残少点滅 国民経済指標絶賛 国家予算福袋転売市場予測全額投入閣議決定

Emoji

🔭✨➡️🇯🇵➡️🛍️🎁🥩🤖…残り3️⃣個❗️😱➡️👨‍💼👍📈➡️💰💯➡️🛍️🛒

Onomatopoeia

Thump-thump… Excited… Silence… Ping! Murmur-murmur… Chatter-chatter… “Wonderful!” Boom! Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Click-click (Server down)

SNS

• #Fukubukuro-nomics
• #WhatEvenWasGDP
• This is the final form of Cool Japan
• Predicting lucky bag futures with Amaterasu now
• #ProperUseOfNationalBudget
• Good job, Prime Minister!
• Broadcast my local supermarket’s sales too
• Resellers finally becoming civil servants?
• #TheFutureIsInSomeonesLuckyBag
• Forget politics, just tell me the limited figure stock