Money Maze

Leaving Work on Time is 'Lack of Heat': Government Designates Humans as Renewable Energy, Karoshi Becomes 'Honorable Complete Combustion'

Leaving Work on Time is 'Lack of Heat': Government Designates Humans as Renewable Energy, Karoshi Becomes 'Honorable Complete Combustion'

Preparing for the depletion of fossil fuels, the government officially recognized the 'guts' and 'labor heat' of the people as a new energy source on the 11th. Along with this, a combustion rank such as 'burnable waste' has been added to the insurance card classification of the My Number Card, and high-calorie corporate slaves are prioritized for assignment to thermal power plants. While an environmental tax is imposed on 'leaving work on time' as 'incomplete combustion', those who collapse from overwork are disposed of as 'cinders' (industrial waste), and bereaved families are granted a large amount of environmental protection points.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
"Gross National Clumsiness" Adopted as Leading Economic Indicator; Noodle Factory Stock Soars on Investor Fat-Finger Errors

"Gross National Clumsiness" Adopted as Leading Economic Indicator; Noodle Factory Stock Soars on Investor Fat-Finger Errors

On the 17th, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare officially introduced the "National Clumsiness Index (NCI)," which aggregates knife cuts and missed appointments, as a leading economic indicator. As a result of visualizing the nation's brain fatigue, the index entered the danger zone immediately upon release. Traders, exhausted and intending to buy shares of a "bandage maker," collectively pressed the wrong order buttons, leading to the ironic result of a local noodle factory's stock price skyrocketing.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
"Snow Shoveling" is Civil Engineering, "It's Cold" Posts are Weather Services — Government AI Suspends Millions of Pensions for "High Income"

"Snow Shoveling" is Civil Engineering, "It's Cold" Posts are Weather Services — Government AI Suspends Millions of Pensions for "High Income"

The fiscal reform AI "White Revenue," launched by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare on New Year's Day, has automatically classified home snow removal as "advanced infrastructure maintenance operations" and SNS snow photo posts as "real-time news reporting services." As a result, millions of elderly citizens nationwide have been deemed to have "undeclared professional income," triggering immediate suspension of their working elderly pensions. Enraged senior citizens' groups are now preparing to invoice the government for formal snow removal wages—including late-night and holiday premium pay.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Million-Yen Luxury Wi-Fi Defeated by Neighbor's Microwave. Wealthy Furious at Neighbor for Reheating Food

Million-Yen Luxury Wi-Fi Defeated by Neighbor's Microwave. Wealthy Furious at Neighbor for Reheating Food

A famous brand's satellite Wi-Fi has been flooded with complaints about being 'impossibly unstable.' Investigation reveals the signal was being interfered with by a few-thousand-yen microwave every time the neighbor heated frozen pizza. The brand issued a statement: 'Our radio waves are delicate. True luxury lies in the spirit of mutual consideration.'

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Town Loses Lawsuit Over 'World Cup Victory Parade Rights' as Hometown Tax Return Gift; Court Orders 'Judge Toss-Up Participation Tickets' as Substitute

Town Loses Lawsuit Over 'World Cup Victory Parade Rights' as Hometown Tax Return Gift; Court Orders 'Judge Toss-Up Participation Tickets' as Substitute

A town that offered World Cup victory parade rights as a hometown tax return gift has lost its case. The presiding judge, rejecting the town's claim of providing a 'dream subscription service,' ordered that 'Judge Toss-Up Participation Tickets' be issued to all donors, stating 'Reality over dreams.' Note: Toss-ups are only available during lunch breaks on weekdays in the courthouse courtyard.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Railway Company Sues Accident Photos as 'Piracy': 'Derailment Was Premium Members-Only Performance Art'

Railway Company Sues Accident Photos as 'Piracy': 'Derailment Was Premium Members-Only Performance Art'

Great Imperial Capital Railway filed a lawsuit on the 22nd against three passersby who posted photos of a derailment accident on social media, charging them with 'digital shoplifting' and 'copyright infringement.' The company claims 'the angle at which the cars piled up was meticulously calculated modern art (kinetic sculpture)' and plans to retroactively charge witness fees and photography licensing fees. They argue that even the arrival of rescue teams was 'staged for an emotional finale,' and that unauthorized posts constituted spoilers that damaged future attendance opportunities.

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Budget SIM 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' Plan Launches—Your Smart Fridge Is the Witness

Budget SIM 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' Plan Launches—Your Smart Fridge Is the Witness

As rising prices push more people to cut breakfast, a budget mobile carrier has unveiled its 'Skip Breakfast, Get More Data' plan. A smart fridge uses AI to monitor morning door activity, and detecting bread or milk instantly suspends the discount. The company proudly claims it's 'kind to both health and wallet,' while simultaneously releasing a separate 'Breakfast Subscription Option'—opening a new subscription hell between household budgets and stomachs.

Translations: JA
Money Maze