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"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

A long-held dream in the film industry has finally come true. This year's Academy Award for "Best Supporting Actor" was awarded to "Lens Flare," which has been shining in countless films. Standing before the recipient who appeared as light itself, director J.J. Abrams, the foster parent, commented, "It's too beautiful... I can't see anything." Whether it was tears of joy or a purely physical symptom remains unclear.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Lead Role Decided by '10-Year Aged Rice Bran Paste' Presentation at Audition. An Era Where Fermentation Power Matters More Than Acting Skills

Lead Role Decided by '10-Year Aged Rice Bran Paste' Presentation at Audition. An Era Where Fermentation Power Matters More Than Acting Skills

At the audition for maverick director Kurokawa's new film, actors brought not resumes but their secret rice bran paste. The director stated, 'Good acting comes from good bacteria,' and conducted casting based on the acidity and aroma of rice bran paste rather than actors' careers. The lead role was won by a third-generation owner of a long-established pickle shop with zero acting experience.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
"True Hero" Emits Black Smoke with Every Special Attack. Power Source Revealed to be Diesel Engine

"True Hero" Emits Black Smoke with Every Special Attack. Power Source Revealed to be Diesel Engine

Flamingo Finance Co., Ltd. announced on the 14th the new hero 'Captain Fact,' whose weapon is a "Truth Beam" that eliminates all misinformation. However, its power source is an old-fashioned diesel engine, and every time the beam is fired, the film studio is enveloped in black smoke. Furthermore, it has been revealed that the ultimate weapon to defeat the arch-nemesis "Mosquito of Inconvenient Truth" is a "super-strong insecticide spray," raising questions about the hero's environmental awareness.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Poverty Survivor Game Update Adds "Noble Mode" - Players Score Points by Throwing Bread at the Poor in Cruel But Popular Feature

Poverty Survivor Game Update Adds "Noble Mode" - Players Score Points by Throwing Bread at the Poor in Cruel But Popular Feature

Flamingo Finance Inc. announced on the 14th their hit smartphone game "Poverty Survivor" now features "Noble Mode" where players can play from a wealthy perspective. Players score points by throwing bread at starving NPCs from a carriage and judging their reactions. The developer claims "educational intent to teach the difficulty of charity," but #NobleHobby is trending on social media.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Lead Actor Suffers Burnout from 'Doing Nothing' Role Prep. Drama 'THE Rest' Production Halted

Lead Actor Suffers Burnout from 'Doing Nothing' Role Prep. Drama 'THE Rest' Production Halted

The lead actor of the new drama 'THE Rest,' who took on the challenging role of embodying 'doing nothing,' has announced an indefinite hiatus after burning out from continuous meditation and perfectly still scenes for the role. 'The eight-hour scene without blinking was the crystallization of his acting spirit. It was the result of pursuing perfect nothingness,' the producer praised his professionalism.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Overcalorie Electric Shock: Subscription 'Smart Bento Box' Crashes Servers with Reservation Rush

Overcalorie Electric Shock: Subscription 'Smart Bento Box' Crashes Servers with Reservation Rush

The monthly subscription smart bento box 'NutriGuard 3000' sold out its initial production run due to overwhelming reservations. This device forcibly manages eating habits by delivering a mild electric current to users who attempt to eat outside designated meal times or exceed calorie limits. While developers praise it as 'the ultimate self-management tool,' rumors suggest that jailbreak services for 'dessert mode' are circulating on dark web sites for high prices.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Faction Conflict Intensifies in Animal Shelter Reality Show. Shiba Inu Tearfully Says in Interview: "I Cannot Forgive That Calico Cat's Espionage"

Faction Conflict Intensifies in Animal Shelter Reality Show. Shiba Inu Tearfully Says in Interview: "I Cannot Forgive That Calico Cat's Espionage"

On the #1-rated animal reality show 'Animal Kingdom,' political maneuvering among animal performers is heating up. Dogs and cats are feuding over the luxurious "President Room" complete with a deluxe cat tower. In last night's broadcast, the Shiba Inu faction leader denounced a comrade who was bribed with treats by their rival calico cat, causing an uproar in the studio.

Translations: JA
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