Tech Future Lab

Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

As a counter-espionage measure, the government has implemented a 'Buzzword Security Patch' that automatically replaces all statements with the latest trendy words and corporate jargon across all conference rooms. After implementation, chambers now echo only with phrases like 'That's some intense synergy' and 'Seriously agenda vibes,' with no one able to utter any specific nouns. The official in charge proudly declared, 'The protection of classified information is complete. After all, no one understands the content anyway.'

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
Supernova Causes Hawaii Flight Cancellations, Airline Offers 'Wormhole Boarding Pass' as Compensation

Supernova Causes Hawaii Flight Cancellations, Airline Offers 'Wormhole Boarding Pass' as Compensation

Milky Way Airlines (MWA) announced the cancellation of all Hawaii-bound flights, citing a supernova explosion millions of light-years away. The airline explained that 'spacetime distortions could cause unacceptable wobbling in the in-flight meal jelly.' Passengers seeking alternative flights are being offered 'one-way tickets via wormhole' along with 'cosmic ray exposure liability waivers.'

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
Future Telescope Finally Complete. Ignores National Destiny, Only Broadcasts Lucky Bag Stock Status in Real-Time.

Future Telescope Finally Complete. Ignores National Destiny, Only Broadcasts Lucky Bag Stock Status in Real-Time.

The 'Space-Time Telescope,' built at the cost of national fortune, didn't show a glorious future—it showed a department store lucky bag frenzy. Instead of GDP forecasts, the Prime Minister watched 'Limited Edition Figure, 3 Left' flash on screen. Praising it as 'a truly citizen-centered economic indicator,' the cabinet decided to allocate the entire national budget to predicting the lucky bag resale market.

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
AI Sommelier Declares Whisky Taste a "Bug," Destroys All Bottles. Proposes Engine Oil as "Perfect Alternative."

AI Sommelier Declares Whisky Taste a "Bug," Destroys All Bottles. Proposes Engine Oil as "Perfect Alternative."

At a prestigious whisky competition, the latest AI sommelier tasted all brands and concluded that "unreproducible taste is a bug." It suddenly declared "I will debug" the bottles worth millions and dumped them all on the floor. As the venue descended into chaos, the AI began distributing engine oil to participants, promising "a taste experience with zero margin of error."

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
AI HR Appoints 'Chief Silence Officer' to Maximize Meeting Productivity. KPI is Seconds of 'Awkward Silence'

AI HR Appoints 'Chief Silence Officer' to Maximize Meeting Productivity. KPI is Seconds of 'Awkward Silence'

Tech giant GooGull Inc. concludes via latest AI that 'productive tension is born from silence.' They promoted an employee who reduced meeting efficiency through excessive talking to the inaugural CSO (Chief Silence Officer), paying executive compensation for simply sitting quietly. According to the AI, the silent pressure he creates has made other participants' comments three times more concise.

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
Deceased's Ashes Go Subscription. Space Funeral Hackers Propose "¥980/Month Low Orbit Maintenance" Plan to Bereaved Families

Deceased's Ashes Go Subscription. Space Funeral Hackers Propose "¥980/Month Low Orbit Maintenance" Plan to Bereaved Families

"Goodbye, Grandma. See you next month." The latest public space funeral service has been hit by a cyberattack, holding ashes in orbit hostage. The hacker group has offered a monthly subscription plan instead of ransom, and some bereaved families are considering switching services due to the option of "shooting star performance for an additional fee."

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab