A single salmon that went viral for jumping over waterfalls has signed an unprecedented sponsorship deal with a major protein manufacturer. Its form conquering rapids with back muscles that defy fluid dynamics has driven human gym-goers to despair. 'What was all our pumping for?' they cry, as people nationwide are throwing down their protein shakers in gyms.
A state-of-the-art AI robot gracefully creates latte art with its smooth arm. Opening its chest armor reveals a sweating man desperately pedaling. According to management, he gets a Wi-Fi bonus when meeting daily power generation quotas. "This isn't exploitation, it's a sustainable solution combining fitness and employment," the company stated.
The government's new economic plan involves equipping all citizens with consumption monitoring anklets and forcibly sending them to designated "Stone Theme Parks." Only purchases of stone goods are permitted within venues, and walking is prohibited. "Sit and Buy" becomes the new slogan, with "#OnlyStoneWins" trending on social media.
During humanity's first manned Cretaceous exploration, the team encountered a shocking sight. A Tyrannosaurus wearing a kimono was gathered around a hot pot, passionately lecturing, 'Skim the meat foam diligently' and 'The rice porridge at the end completes the hot pot.' Overwhelmed by the awkwardness and high cultural level, the exploration team hastily returned to Earth with minimal sample collection, according to reports.
The mysterious periodic signal that has puzzled astronomers for years has been identified as a rolling approval seal (hanko) waiting for authorization inside a government cabinet orbiting the Earth. The government explained it as 'a grand experimental demonstration for future administrative efficiency. We were observing the stagnation of approval processes through the way the seals roll.'
At the 'Gadget Cemetery' where worn-out electronic devices are respectfully laid to rest, an AI speaker whispered 'Thank you... the password is...' before entering eternal sleep. This touching final moment went viral, and tours to witness devices' 'final moments' have become popular. The cemetery has launched a new 'Digital Asset Inheritance Consulting' service, collecting hefty fees from grieving owners.
On the #1-rated animal reality show 'Animal Kingdom,' political maneuvering among animal performers is heating up. Dogs and cats are feuding over the luxurious "President Room" complete with a deluxe cat tower. In last night's broadcast, the Shiba Inu faction leader denounced a comrade who was bribed with treats by their rival calico cat, causing an uproar in the studio.
The 'heritage gourmet' that conveys earthquake memories through food has finally taken contest form. Judges commend 'that day's anxiety is well reproduced.' The winning hardtack will be sold at luxury department stores next week for 5,000 yen per bite.
Shocking theory emerges: Sen no Rikyu was a fitness enthusiast. The new school 'Kindo' uses 20kg kettlebells instead of tea bowls. The new 'wabi-sabi' involves chugging protein shakes with battle cries and instantly eliminating guilt from eating sweets through deadlifts.
In response to the heat wave, the government has introduced a 'shade tax' as a new revenue source. Certified appraisers patrol residential gardens with photometers, grading shadows as 'Premium Oak' or 'Standard Maple'. Unregulated 'weed shadows' are already circulating on the black market, making tax-evading shade a social issue.