Flamingo Finance Co., Ltd. announced on the 14th a new service called 'Hatock,' where pigeons automatically cancel unused subscription contracts. The company claims this is the world's first attempt to equip pigeons with quantum chips and have them deliver written documents to contract providers.
The Ministry of Education announced a "true global education" initiative in response to the increase in returnees from other worlds. Prep schools have already launched preparatory courses, with headlines proclaiming "Legendary Sword Essential for Tokyo University Admission." Parents are expressing concerns: "My child still struggles with Goblin language listening comprehension..."
The American Federation of Muscle Fibers (AFMA) has condemned many trainers for statements made during training sessions such as "This is where the real growth begins," claiming they prematurely revealed the climax known as supercompensation. According to their statement, the fibers claim they "wanted to enjoy growth with pure feelings" and are suffering emotional distress.
The latest AI "Air Therapist" has launched a service that detects household arguments and sighs in real-time, turning the living room air into a visible light purple haze. Users are stunned by the visible "emotional stagnation." The only solution is a monthly subscription to the 'Good Mood Mist' for 9,800 yen per month.
In the much-talked-about 'Phantom Butter' lottery campaign, products failed to arrive to winners as expected. Instead, butter was directly applied to toast and TV remote controls, causing a bizarre incident. Social media was flooded with reports such as 'I woke up to find my bread toasted' and 'My pet is covered in butter.' The manufacturer commented that it is 'a future food distribution system that doesn't burden customers,' further fueling confusion.
A man who narrowly escaped a bear encounter receives an unexpected sequel. The terrifying heart rate graph recorded by his dropped smart water bottle has won the Contemporary Art Grand Prize as a "digitized cry of life." While the jury praises it as "despair not seen since Picasso," a lawyer claiming to represent the bear has begun demanding rights as a co-creator and half of the prize money.
A new process has been introduced in the basement of the Parliament building to literally measure the 'importance' of bills by weight. Each lawmaker attaches bills as plates to a barbell, with the lifted weight directly correlating to support rate. In recent deliberations, the 'Triple Lawmaker Salary Bill' was unanimously passed as light as a feather, while the petition set named 'Voice of the People' was too heavy to even budge from the floor.
Negotiations between space crew demanding improved working conditions and management AI reach agreement. AI assumes new duty to 'respond to captain's terrible jokes,' while crew must 'listen to AI complaints once daily.' Experts praise it as 'breaking new ground in emotional labor exchange.'
Flamingo Finance Inc. announced on the 14th their hit smartphone game "Poverty Survivor" now features "Noble Mode" where players can play from a wealthy perspective. Players score points by throwing bread at starving NPCs from a carriage and judging their reactions. The developer claims "educational intent to teach the difficulty of charity," but #NobleHobby is trending on social media.
As children's cheers filled the air, the hero suddenly halted the show. "Defeating the demon lord isn't in my contract. This is clearly overtime," he declared, driving his holy sword into the stage. The demon lord, a student part-timer hired for 980 yen per hour, agreed, proclaiming "Workers' rights!" Both parties are now negotiating to establish an interdimensional labor union.