Parliament Decides Bill Weight Through Bench Press: 'Voice of the People' Too Heavy for Anyone to Lift

Parliament Decides Bill Weight Through Bench Press: 'Voice of the People' Too Heavy for Anyone to Lift

A new process has been introduced in the basement of the Parliament building to literally measure the 'importance' of bills by weight. Each lawmaker attaches bills as plates to a barbell, with the lifted weight directly correlating to support rate. In recent deliberations, the 'Triple Lawmaker Salary Bill' was unanimously passed as light as a feather, while the petition set named 'Voice of the People' was too heavy to even budge from the floor.

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Poverty Survivor Game Update Adds "Noble Mode" - Players Score Points by Throwing Bread at the Poor in Cruel But Popular Feature

Poverty Survivor Game Update Adds "Noble Mode" - Players Score Points by Throwing Bread at the Poor in Cruel But Popular Feature

Flamingo Finance Inc. announced on the 14th their hit smartphone game "Poverty Survivor" now features "Noble Mode" where players can play from a wealthy perspective. Players score points by throwing bread at starving NPCs from a carriage and judging their reactions. The developer claims "educational intent to teach the difficulty of charity," but #NobleHobby is trending on social media.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
"This is Overtime!" Hero Strikes by Stabbing Holy Sword into Floor, Forms Union with Demon Lord

"This is Overtime!" Hero Strikes by Stabbing Holy Sword into Floor, Forms Union with Demon Lord

As children's cheers filled the air, the hero suddenly halted the show. "Defeating the demon lord isn't in my contract. This is clearly overtime," he declared, driving his holy sword into the stage. The demon lord, a student part-timer hired for 980 yen per hour, agreed, proclaiming "Workers' rights!" Both parties are now negotiating to establish an interdimensional labor union.

Translations: JA
Otherworld Pocket
Grandma's Spicy Ohagi Causes Illegal Muscle Growth; Bodybuilding World Trembles as Sweet Shop Owner Becomes Wanted 'Muscle Trafficker'

Grandma's Spicy Ohagi Causes Illegal Muscle Growth; Bodybuilding World Trembles as Sweet Shop Owner Becomes Wanted 'Muscle Trafficker'

All top finishers at the National Bodybuilding Championship disqualified. Unknown compounds from a local sweet shop's 'Spicy Protein Ohagi' detected in their muscles. The 82-year-old shop owner stated, 'I just added extra spices thinking my grandson would enjoy it.' The committee is now investigating the ohagi confiscation and the elderly woman's connections with full force.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
"Floppy Disk Organization Skills" Recognized as National Living Treasure: Government Permanently Bans All Digital Connections to Preserve Technique

"Floppy Disk Organization Skills" Recognized as National Living Treasure: Government Permanently Bans All Digital Connections to Preserve Technique

A man who has mastered the "art of floppy disk organization" through years of dedication has been recognized as a National Living Treasure. While the Agency for Cultural Affairs praises it as "a divine skill impossible for AI to replicate," a special law has been immediately enacted to permanently ban internet, USB, and even Bluetooth connections for both the man and his floppy disks to protect this rare skill. The man smiled quietly, saying, "Now I can devote myself to 1.44MB wholeheartedly."

Translations: JA
Money Maze
All Satellites Down. Last Hope Was Space Carrier Pigeons Bred by the 'Tokugawa Family'... NASA Releases Ancient Documents

All Satellites Down. Last Hope Was Space Carrier Pigeons Bred by the 'Tokugawa Family'... NASA Releases Ancient Documents

NASA held an emergency press conference. When all communication with the International Space Station was lost, the last means of communication was carrier pigeons secretly bred by the Tokugawa family capable of 'vacuum wing-flapping.' A pigeon with a USB memory stick tied to its leg reportedly broke through the atmosphere and successfully performed manual docking. Experts praised it as 'Too analog, but no hacking concerns.'

Translations: JA
Culture Kaleidoscope
New Power Grid Censors Thoughts: Blackouts Triggered by Simply Thinking "Pizza Tonight" Sparks Controversy

New Power Grid Censors Thoughts: Blackouts Triggered by Simply Thinking "Pizza Tonight" Sparks Controversy

The government's brain-wave linked smart grid has caused massive chaos with its feature that detects and preemptively cuts power for "thoughts leading to energy waste." On the first day of implementation, numerous households experienced simultaneous blackouts after thinking about pizza for dinner. Voices of protest cry "This is thought pre-censorship" and "Give us back our freedom to choose menus," while long lines form outside pizza parlors for pizza baked with portable generators.

Translations: JA
Social Lab