Tag: Pension

Articles tagged with "Pension" (3 articles)

"Snow Shoveling" is Civil Engineering, "It's Cold" Posts are Weather Services — Government AI Suspends Millions of Pensions for "High Income"

"Snow Shoveling" is Civil Engineering, "It's Cold" Posts are Weather Services — Government AI Suspends Millions of Pensions for "High Income"

The fiscal reform AI "White Revenue," launched by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare on New Year's Day, has automatically classified home snow removal as "advanced infrastructure maintenance operations" and SNS snow photo posts as "real-time news reporting services." As a result, millions of elderly citizens nationwide have been deemed to have "undeclared professional income," triggering immediate suspension of their working elderly pensions. Enraged senior citizens' groups are now preparing to invoice the government for formal snow removal wages—including late-night and holiday premium pay.

Translations: JA
Otherworld Stadium Introduces New 'Lifespan Payment' System: French Fries Cost 3 Days of Your Life

Otherworld Stadium Introduces New 'Lifespan Payment' System: French Fries Cost 3 Days of Your Life

A new payment system called 'Lifespan Pay' has been introduced at an electrifying stadium. Fans scan their remaining lifespan with smartphones to purchase hot dogs (5 days worth) one after another. 'I feel great because my cash isn't decreasing,' says one user as crowds flood in. The government has announced it is considering implementing this as a new pension funding source.

Translations: JA
National Senior Federation Unifies Retirement Funds as 'Physical Lemon Payment'; Pension Offices Enveloped in Citrus Aroma

National Senior Federation Unifies Retirement Funds as 'Physical Lemon Payment'; Pension Offices Enveloped in Citrus Aroma

"The citric acid cycle is the ultimate asset management" - With the government's new policy, retirement savings become mountains of lemons. Recipients sleep on lemon pillows and give lemons as New Year's gifts to grandchildren in this bizarre new custom. "The tears from the sourness are tears of joy," claim seniors as real tears stream down their faces.

Translations: JA